San Myshuno News

Spontaneous Combustion On The Rise

Partygoers at Windenburg’s Narwhal Arms bore witness to yet another spontaneous combustion and death on Sunday. Around 4:30PM, Mandy Connor was on her way to the venue for a dance party when tragedy struck.

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Although passersby tried to help douse the flames, Ms Connor succumbed to her injuries quickly and unfortunately passed away outside the club. This marks the third spontaneous combustion to hit Simtopia in the last month alone.

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02-05-17-3-58-19-pm_orig.pngSan Myshuno resident Darling Walsh, who was also present at the first two spontaneous combustions, told the press, “This is getting ridiculous. Are there any people around who aren’t vampires? And why are vampires out in the daytime anyway? It’s like, sort your life out.”

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SPONTANEOUS SIM COMBUSTION: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

To keep yourself safe from randomly bursting into flames on your way into the office, we have a few helpful tips that will hopefully keep the reaper from your door:

1. Drink plenty of fluids. Much like a tree, if you dry out you might catch fire.
2. Don’t be a vampire. Vampires are more prone to combustion.
3. If you are a vampire, stay inside your coffin until the sun goes down.

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